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Category Archives: Artisan2016

So fed up with the pointless grief the PM has been getting so here’s Conspiracy Guy Walter to help:

   
   

But What is it ?

This thing called art,

An illusionary piece to fit

Ones mind around a creative fart?

Or as they say it is in the watchers eye.


Where the imagination is left to fly!

Soring above the masses

Who cannot see wood for the tree

Instead they look but it passes

Yet if one looks another way

What they see will set them free

They man stood on the burning wreck.

Did he wash his dirty neck

Did he heck

His ship was in flames

So no he exclaims

I didn’t wash my dirty neck,

I just stood on the deck.

“That is I”

Charles noted it down in his notepad.

“Good,  how long  have you lived at 7 Shipyard Court?”

“Well let’s see, about  12 to 18 month, see  I moved in about 2 weeks after our Delaine got her lodgings there.”

“I see.”, Charles studied the man, he was not fidgeting or sat in a defensive pose, he would have expected to see.

“So Delaine  found the place  online ?  Moved in and you joined her from….. Blarney.”

“Yeah , well to sure I not know how she found the place. But after she had done , she contacted me and I came to join her. ‘nd look for work.”

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Charles looked at the door, “YES” the door opened it was Owens carrying a folder, he strode into the room and handed the folder across.  Nodded  and turned on his left foot  and marched out of the room again.  “Thanks  DS” as the door closed.

He scanned the contents of the folder he had just been handed. Questions running through his head,  he noticed over the file  Donnal start to fidget .

“Something wrong Mr. Ryan?”

“oh no Sir, it’s just I could really do with having a piss ?”

“Well in that case we best get  this over and done with then .. So  you have lived at the house for 12 -18 months  and you  have be growing  this ”  he placed a large photograph  taken from the hydroponic room in the house. It show about 1000  marijuana plants growing.

 

“They not mine!”

“Really Ryan you expect me to believe  there not yours !! You seemed mightily angry with me entering the room you were in and the baseball bat gave some additional emphasis.” Charles place a second photo down showing the mark of the baseball bat in the wall he had managed to avoid.

 

“well erm.”

“We have you one growing banned plants and attempt assault on a Police officer”

Donnal remained silent.

Ah thought, Charles The old silence game!!. He smiled  to himself, he  knew he shouldn’t  but he always loved to watch these “Rogues” play hardball right up until they realize they are well and truly screwed and this chap will be about to start  chirping like a canary  in  1, 2, 3…..

“well yes am growing the weed  but it for my own use.”

“OK good so you admit to that, now what was the girl in the basement for?”

Donnal stared at Charles, he blinked  and opened his mouth and shut it again.

“Well??” pushing the criminal a bit.

“What girl in the basement??”

“Don’t get smart with me, this girl…” He through the photographs of the girl  and the ones of the cage in the basement”

“Holy Mary mother of God”, Donnal  said, he stared at the photographs.

“Where in hell were those taken?”

 

“Under your God damn house. ”

“I have never seen that before Gods honest truth”

“You are telling me you never went into the basement through the kitchen door?? I don’t fucking believe you, you lying sod” Charles’ anger was getting the best of him now.

 

“Nah mate, He had no care what me and Delaine got up to as long as we did not attempt to enter the basement.”

“Who?”

“The Owner of the house?”

“WHO?”

“The Monk. He made it clear that under no circumstances we should open the door”

“The  Monk? He owns the house? And you didn’t even attempt to open the kitchen door? You don’t strike me as bloke to be told what to do by a frail old man!”

Donnal looked at Charles squarely in face and put his foot on the interview table. He began to remove his trainer and then his sock.

Charles saw a mangled foot with no toes and crude stitching nodules where the man’s toes would be.

“That’s why . You are right, I did attempt to get into the basement. But he caught me and knocked me out. When I woke up I was in the kitchen tied to a chair. He then proceed to  teach me the errors of my ways  with a hammer and chisel. I managed to sound convincing before he got to my big toe.”

 

“Put it away. I have not finished with you yet..”, Charles stood cleared up the photos back into the folder and walked to the interview door opened it and left.

Closing the door he looked at the two other doors where  behind each door was either Delaine or the Monk.

Hmm, where next?

Then from out of the door came;

“Tenebris -go stipant et corde currere
Iustum et impium fraude facta hora accepit
Cor mundum crea in tempore veniant populi

I won’t let you take my light away, no.

Ain’t gonna let you take my light away.

So run away, run away.”

 

Charles’ neck hairs started to bristle as he turn to the other door, and opened it.

Closing his eyes, he was plunged into darkness, as this happen his inner voice chimed up.

 

What do you think will happen next then ??

Not sure what you mean?

Well, you have shut your eyes and rubbed them and then yawned. What are we planning…

Can’t I just rub the tiredness of the last few days from my eyes ? Why does it have to be I am planning something!

Well from the 999 times you have done it so far your open your eyes and vocalise “Right this is the plan!!” So rather than hear it externally I thought I’d ask.

Well I HAVE no plan!! OK so sit down and shut up!

 

 

I have plan!

Who said , oh god it’s you .

I have plan, and it’s a good one.

Hahaha is it a Monty python quote.

No!

Bet it is

For the love of God  can you two shut up  I am tired.

Well do you want to hear the plan  or  not?

Yes! No!

 

Look shut up.  I am going to open my eyes now.

 

His eyes opened and he stared out in front of him. “I need a drink!!”

Boo he didn’t go with my plan – it is so unfair  and all I wanted to do was  hmm ‘I like traffic lights’

See told you it was Python orientated, and you lied  you said you had not plan. Yet we now off for a drink.

So as YOU lied to me have  Veggie tales stuck in your  head. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA “Vhat are you doing ?”

 

OOH God you complete gits.

 

“trying to knock your wall down.”

(bad French accent)” By walking around  circle ? ”

“I pity them Phillipe , meri oui jean claude  meri oui”

 

Of walked the poor man reciting the words from the ear worm that is Veggie Tales.